Modern Day Plague
I came across the poem below on Tim Challies’ blog. It is an amazing yet frightening look into a devastating problem in our world. An epidemic that is commonly ignored and seldom talked about. A plague that wrecks more individuals and families lives than we may ever know. This poem speaks volumes from the side of the often overlooked victims of this horrific affliction.
“I Looked For Love in Your Eyes.”
I saved my best for you.
Other girls may have given themselves away,
But I believed in the dream.
A husband, a wife, united as one forever.
Nervous, first time, needing assurance of your love,
I looked for it in your eyes
Mere inches from mine.
But what I saw made my soul run and hide.
Gone was the tenderness I’d come to know
I saw a stranger, cold and hard
Distant, evil, revolting.
I looked for love in your eyes
And my soul wept.
Who am I that you cannot make love to me?
Why do I feel as if I’m not even here?
I don’t matter.
I’m a prop in a filthy play.
Not an object of tender devotion.
Where are you?
But the hardness in your eyes does not.
You think I’m cold
But how can I warm to eyes that are making hate to someone else
Instead of making love to me?
I know where you are.
I’ve seen the pictures.
I know now what it takes to turn you on.
Women…people like me
Tortured, humiliated, hated, used
Images burned into your brain.
How could you think they would not show in your eyes?
Did you ever imagine,
The first time you picked up a dirty picture
That you were dooming all intimacy between us
Shipwrecking your marriage
Breaking the heart of a wife you wouldn’t meet for many years?
If it stopped here, I could bear it.
But you brought the evil into our home
And our little boys found it.
Six and eight years old.
I heard them laughing, I found them ogling.
Hands bound, mouth gagged.
Fisheye photo, contorting reality
Distorting the woman into exaggerated breasts.
The haunted eyes, windows of a tormented soul
Warped by the lens into the background,
Because souls don’t matter, only bodies do
To men who consume them.
My little boys
Laughing and ogling the sexual torture
Of a woman, a woman like me.
Someone like me.
An image burned into their brains.
Will their wives’ souls have to run and hide like mine does?
When does it end?
I can tell you this. It has not ended in your soul.
It has eaten you up. It is cancer.
Do you think you can feed on a diet of hatred
And come out of your locked room to love?
You say the words, but love has no meaning in your mouth
When hatred rules in your heart.
Your cruelty has eaten up every vestige of the man
I thought I was marrying.
Did you ever dream it would so consume you
That your wife and children would live in fear of your rage?
That is what you have become
Feeding your soul on poison.
I’ve never used porn.
But it has devastated my marriage, my family, my world.
Was it worth it?
If you are struggling with porn, or seeking to help someone who is, there is help:
- Tim Chester, Closing the Window: Steps to Living Porn Free
- Tim Challies, Sexual Detox: A Guide for Guys who are Sick of Porn
- Brian Croft, Help! He’s Struggling with Pornography
Some free resources below:
- R. Albert Mohler Jr., “The Seduction of Pornography and the Integrity of Christian Marriage” (talk to college students: PDF, MP3)
- David Powlison, “Breaking Pornography Addiction” (article: part 1, part 2)
- David Powlison, Making All Things New: Restoring Pure Joy to the Sexually Broken(conference talk: audio, video, and chapter)
- John Piper, Battling the Unbelief of Lust (sermon in manuscript, audio)
- John Piper, A.N.T.H.E.M: Strategies for Fighting Sexual Lust (article)
- Mark Driscoll, Porn-Again Christian (free eBook)
- Rick Holland, A Biblical Strategy for Fighting Lust (conference talk; see relatedmanuscript)
The above material was originally listed at thegospelcoalition.org.
Another great resource is heartsupport.com. Please be aware and beware of this evil affliction that is decimating lives and relationships young and old